Belonging to a Pack

A pack of wolves assembled

 I use to think of wolves as a singular entity in my childhood days when I became fascinated by them. The poetry I would write about wolves always had them as being loners. In my loneliness I rewrote the instincts of these beautiful creatures to fit my mood.

As I grew older and learned more about them, I realized the exact opposite was true. Wolves were not really loners (although they can at times strike out on their own). Rather they belong to a pack--a family.

I think about the various packs I belong to and I am blessed to know that I have so many. First, there is my family consisting of my mother and my two sisters. With all that has happened in my life in the last few months, I have drawn so much strength and support from them. My second-oldest sister has been my confidant in all things lately, and my oldest sister is becoming someone I can go to once more like I did when I was a kid. 

I also have a pack within the church I attend. I have strong men like my pastor, his brother, and the four male elders/deacons of the church who pray for me, edify me, and also hold me accountable (when necessary) because they love me and want to see me grow spiritually in the Lord. There are women of the church who offer me encouragement, and even have stood by my side through all of this. I am blessed to be a part of this "pack." 

From that church I also have a small pack with a man who has become a new brother to me. We share similar traits such as our love for all things geeky, our love for the Lord, and even our mental illnesses. 

I also have a large pack within my high school friends from Bristow, OK. Four in particular has stood by me, encouraging me, and yes holding me accountable. I love them dearly, and I know whenever I need someone to talk to they are at the ready to listen. 

Finally, I have a pack from my time in the Army. I have forged relationships with these band of brothers that has withstood the test of time, and I know I can go to when I need something as well. 

So yes I can identify with a wolf still but not as a loner. Instead, as part of a family--a pack.

Until next time...

From An Aspiring Author: Update on My Book

Ever since I was a kid, I have wanted to write a book. I had a hyper-imagination back then, and I still do. A childhood friend and I would create various characters and backstories, and I would draw them out. We created multiple worlds and multiple stories within each one. 

Now in my forties (I just entered this age group last year), I am finally putting forth the effort to write one of those stories out after taking many years to flesh them out beyond the simple childhood imaginings. At the beginning of last year, I wrote out the outlines for the characters and the story itself, and then compiled a list of themes I wanted my story to entail. I then sat on it for quite some time until this last month.

Perhaps out of a need to keep my sanity as I am dealing with my bipolar disorder, and a need to stay busy while between jobs and awaiting increase of my VA disability, I poured myself into writing this book finally. 

It took me awhile to complete the first chapter. Mostly because depression kept me in the house instead of going to the public library (my favorite spot where I'm not distracted like I am at home), and sometimes because I got too involved in my video games. However, tonight at the library I finally finished the first chapter!

I have bene amazed and blessed to see how fast the words spill out onto the paper I am writing on, and how therapeutic it has been writing. I lost track of time today as I was so involved in creating this world of mine. It felt invigorating. It felt good. 

I am chasing a dream of mine. I don't know if I will ever be published, but I am going to complete this story so I can say I did it. Then from there take it one step at a time. 

I will keep providing updates on my book here. Please follow along this journey with me. Should be a fun ride. 

Fall of Nebuchadnezzar (Myself)

I bet most people who think about the Bible will typically think of just God and Jesus, and perhaps the Holy Spirit. They may even solely think about some of the great Bible stories like Moses and the plagues against Egypt, the crossing of the Red Sea, David and Goliath, or Daniel in the Lion's Den. I think of those stories as well. But I also think about King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon.

Nebuchadnezzar was depicted in the Bible as being a vain person, and someone very haughty (high opinion of themselves). He exalted and deified himself, and at one point tried to make everyone worship a golden statue carved in his image. Multiple times he was shown who the true God was only for sometime later to revert back to his own self-centered ego trip. It wasn't long before God struck him down and he was transformed into a mindless beast.

I think about Nebuchadnezzar because in some ways I was a lot like him. No, I've never made anyone try to worship a golden statue in my likeness, but I did think pretty highly of myself; and like God I casted down judgement toward those whom I deemed "lowly". I thought highly of myself because I thought all the successes I had was done by my own hand. I gave God credit but never fully praised Him for it.

In the last few months God has been working on humbling me. He has broken me multiple times and casted me into the forge's fire to refine me. God has been correcting my spiritual vision so that I see others the way He sees them. This has helped me to be more compassionate and loving towards those of whom I might even strongly disagree with, but still love them.

I've become more compassionate towards the mentally ill (as I suffer from that illness as well), those imprisoned, those who are perhaps even breaking the law in order to provide for their family. It doesn't mean I agree with them, but it also means I am not judging them.

Nebuchadnezzar tried to set himself up as God, and in my haughtiness I was doing the same thing. Now I have decided to let God be God and I will be whom He wants me to be. See the difference?

The difference is I am surrendering complete control to God instead of trying to be the controller.

The story of Nebuchadnezzar is a parallel to all of us. If we have too much pride and think ourselves better than everyone else, eventually that pride comes with a fall. God establishes and gives, and He also takes away and knocks us down (if we need it). So stay humble, my friends, and remember:

No one is better than the other.

Until next time...

My Hometown

I come from a town that's small
     but bigger than it seems,
It's a town when I was young I thought to leave
     to chase my dreams.
In my youth I gravely desired
     from this small town to get away,
And when at last the chance did glance
     I quickly left that day.
But in my later years I often find myself
     thinking back,
And it's not long until I'm in car and
     on the road trekking back.
I drive down Main, and turn right on 4th,
     then circle back to First,
I pass through the light and no time at all
     I'm at my former church.
I sadly smile as I remember all the good times
     within I had,
It was a place that I could run to
     when my life was breaking bad.
I keep going on Oak and turn left on 5th,
     and head right back to Main,
I keep going straight through the light
     and draw closer to the lake.
I take a moment, I park and sit,
     and write this little rhyme,
To reminisce about my time spent
     in this small town life.
Bartlesville is where I live but
     it can never replace my home,
And as I leave I slow down and say goodbye
     to my home of ol' Bristow.

Another Day, Another Non-Dollar

I never thought I would say this but I miss working. I have been unemployed since mid-January, and I am starting to get restless. I am confident I will never work as an occupational therapy assistant again, so I have been applying for jobs outside of that field.

My book project continues with having accomplished 14 pages of writing in my first novel. The words are coming out from my mind to paper near effortlessly save for the occasional cramps in my right hand. I will be writing out the entire novel on paper with ink before translating it to type. The words seem to flow better when actually writing them versus typing on Microsoft Word.

I didn't work on my novel today electing instead to take a break. I did start drawing one of the characters from my book while at the library. It has been a long time since I last drew hero characters, and so I took my time relearning the basics with an "How to Draw" book in front of me. It was therapeutic.

Then, I finished reading The Outsider by Stephen King. It was the first King novel I've read and I was really impressed by it, and I liked its setting being in Oklahoma--my homestate. I will be watching the HBO series soon although I am slightly disappointed they did not keep the series setting in Oklahoma but instead elected Georgia instead. Oh well. I am sure adjustments had to be made for filming.

I filed my taxes today here in the grand US of A. Surprisingly, I pretty much broke out even. I was hit pretty hard from withdrawing from my retirement early but it needed to be done especially with my current unemployment status.

All in all, it's been a better few days. I've felt less depressed and more ready to do something. I've enjoyed increasing my time reading books and writing in both my journal and my book, and also this blog of which I am trying to be consistent with it.

Until next time...

Everything That Glitters Is Not Gold

"Everything that Glitters is Not Gold" by Dan Seals tells the tale of a woman leaving behind her husband and daughter to pursue a life of glamour as a rodeo queen, and while she is gaining fame and popularity she is missing out on watching her daughter grow. The father in this song tells the message that not only was his former wife not like gold (although she sparkled with her rhinestones and sunlight in her hair), but the life his wife gave up in other to pursue fame was not gold either.

There are many things in life that may seem like it is gold because its appearance shimmers. It entices our passion, our lust; and we will bend heaven and earth in pursuit of it only to find out too little, too late that it was never gold at all. It will cost us more than we were willing to pay.

I have recently come out of a relationship with a woman who was physically beautiful, and her hunger for physicality was intoxicating. But as the relationship progressed, I started seeing her for who she really was, and soon she started showing her true toxic nature. All of her physical beauty could not outshine the true toxicity that was permeating from her. She glittered all right, but not because she was gold. It was all a show much like the rodeo and the rodeo queens.

In the Book of Proverbs, King Solomon said it this way:

"As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who is without discretion [her lack of character mocks her beauty], (11:22, AMP).

In other words, Solomon was saying that even gold can be tarnished, and a woman who lacks discretion is similar to the gold piece in a pig's snout. There are women who rely on their beauty to get them where they want to go in life. They will blaze a trail of fire to get there, and once they have arrived or if they never get there, they will discard those whom they used. It's not just women either because men do the same thing.

We need to be careful that we are not pursuing someone or something just because it looks lucrative. Instead, we must be led by the Holy Spirit instead of our own desires. The Bible says our heart is deceitful above all else (Jeremiah 7:9), so we need to be careful in following it and not be enticed by the physical appearance of things.

Everything that glitters is not gold.

Until next time...

Movies and TV Shows

I love a good movie and TV shows which contain great stories, great acting, and entertaining. Actually, sometimes as long as the film or TV show is entertaining I can overlook the acting and storylines should they be sub-par. For the most part, I do look for engaging storylines and the quality of acting. Here is a sampling of the films and shows I have or currently watching of which I like:

1. Blue Bloods (CBS) -- I fell in love with this police drama a few years ago. I love the actors, the stories, and how diverse the cast is with their discussions. It truly showcases how a family can have differences of opinions, argue about them, but still love one another. I love how it intelligently tackles all the social issues without choosing sides.

2. Knives Out (Lionsgate) -- I absolutely enjoyed watching this movie last week. The cast was over-the-top hilarious, the pacing of the story was unique and fun to watch, and I loved Daniel Craig's mannerisms, as well as the dialogues the characters had.

3. SEAL Team (CBS) -- As an Army veteran, I don't know exactly what the Navy SEAL Teams have to go through, but I know enough to appreciate the amount of attention to detail and realism the cast and crew of this show apply to this series. The balance between showing combat action and the personal struggles of the SEAL Team members is done wonderfully, and the interactions of the core cast are spot-on realistic when compared to actual military team members who have a brotherly camaraderie with one another. The Season 2 finale brought me close to tears, and the 2-part episode that recently aired kept me on the edge of my seat. Excellent show! I can't brag about this show enough.

4. Ford v Ferrari (20th Century Fox) -- I am not a car guy by any means. The intricacies of the motorized engine escape my comprehension. I know enough to fill the tires with air and fill it with gas, and enough to not get those two mixed up. However, I do enjoy a good "car movie", and Ford v Ferrari was one of those good ones. I love how dedicated Christian Bale is to every role he takes, and he shines in this movie as well as Matt Damon.

5. Longmire (A&E, Netflix) -- This was a very good show with great acting and engaging storylines, and it made me care about the characters. This show fired on all cylinders, and the fact A&E cancelled it will be a permanent stain upon their network.

6. Firefly (FOX) -- Speaking of a decision that left a permanent stain on its network, Firefly's short stint with 13 episodes contained more than most TV shows ever had at that time, and since. The dynamic between all the characters, the intricate plot weaved between each episode, and the tongue-in-cheek humor made this show a favorite of mine. And it is a show its fans continue to be passionate about.

7. 13 Hours (Paramount) -- This has easily become one of my favorite military dramas, and although I enjoy watching it, it serves as a reminder at the failures of our political system and fills me with righteous anger. This movie packs a punch, and it should be watched in all military institutions and be mandatory for every politician who makes decisions concerning our military and civilian officials.

8. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel (WB [UPN]/CW) -- I put these two TV shows together because Angel was a spin-off of Buffy. I love these two shows and continue to watch them to this day. The writing and acting is good, and the stories are told well and set at a pace for viewers to follow. There is comedy, action, drama, mystery, horror, and just everything in between. Angel made me a fan of David Boreanaz, and Buffy made me a fan of Joss Whedon.

9. Star Trek: Picard (CBS Access) -- I wasn't sure about this show but as soon as I watched the first episode, it drew me in mostly out of curiosity. Frankly, Sir Patrick Stewart could be given a menu to read with a paper sack over his head and I would still watch it. He's that good of an actor, but more than that I like the change in format for this Star Trek show, and the grittiness it brings to the franchise. It was a little uncomfortable hearing the "f"-word for the first time in a Star Trek show but in context to the series, it fits.

10. 21 Bridges (STXfilms) -- I actually enjoyed this movie. I thought the concept was unique and well executed, and I love watching Chadwick Boseman act.

I could continue this list but it would be lengthy. What about you? What are your favorite TV shows and/or films you enjoy?