Self-Reflection

I have had a lot of time to reflect upon my life: the successes, the mistakes made, the things won and the things that were lost; people who have come and people who have gone. For someone like myself, I tend to exaggerate my failures more than my successes. Some people say I am too hard and unforgiving on myself. I push so hard to be better than I think I need to be, and when it doesn't go the way I envisioned, I fall into depression and despair.

In the last three months, I have been learning to give all of that up and surrender any control I thought I once had to God. It has been a challenging process but has yielded a peace to me not known before. I have found God to be a God of love, and not only does He forgive me but He allows me to forgive myself as well.

I no longer look at people with critical glasses but instead am striving to look at everyone through the eyes of Jesus, and what each person means to a loving Heavenly Father. It has changed my perspective and how I interact with the broken, who like me are just trying to find hope.

For a long time, I allowed myself to be influenced by someone who was negative and hyper-critical of everything and anything. She could never take any word said from myself or others which would contradict her point-of-view. She became a toxic influence in my life, and in the last three months I have been free of that; and I can finally breathe the "fresh air" once again.

I have made mistakes, and I am not perfect by any means. But my goal is for every mistake I made, it is an indication that there is something I need to change. I seek change daily. I don't want to be the same today as I was yesterday; and tomorrow I want to be different than what I was today. The walk with God should be a journey of spiritual growth; not spiritual retardation (hindrance to growth).

In reviewing my past blog entries, it is like meeting a complete stranger and not knowing anything about him. That is how I feel when I read the words I wrote in the past, because I do not know that version of myself anymore. I am becoming more familiar with this new man God is creating within me to be.

The journey is long and often perilous, but I have a Savior and His name is Jesus.