When the very first sin was committed on this planet, it was done because of a lie told. The serpent known as Satan slithered a lie from his mouth to the vulnerable mind of Eve. "Surely," Satan said to Eve. "Surely, you will not die if you eat from the Tree of Knowledge. God does not want you to be like Him."
With that lie, Eve ate the forbidden fruit. Then she lied to her man Adam who followed suit eating the fruit. Then Adam lied to God.
Every since then, mankind has resorted to lying to cover up their mistakes, and even to write history. Have you ever considered if everything we have ever learned has been the truth?
Were there weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
Was 9/11 an inside job?
Did the Holocaust actually happen? And was Hitler really as bad as history has judged him to be?
Was Pearl Harbor an inside job?
Was the Great Depression planned by our government in order to gain more power?
Was the Civil War really about slavery?
There are so many questions about the past because history is written by the victors.
One thing I have come to accept as truth is that God doesn't lie to me. His Word is truth and eternal. So I rest upon that and try not to be too concerned about the lies of this world. This world will never tell the truth. Remember, it was a lie that introduced the first sin into this world. So the truth is not in this world, and those of the world will never completely tell the truth.
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
Friday, December 22, 2017
The Comic Book Guru's 2017 Movie Reviews
Another year gone and with it another movie season passed. Each year, I share the movies I have seen, whether good or bad, and rank them accordingly. I also will post the 5 movies I am anticipating in 2018. So without further adieu, let's jump right into it.
Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2017
10. "Beauty and the Beast"--This live action version of the classic 1992 Disney animated movie was probably not necessary, but it wasn't that bad. In fact, it pretty much featured everything from the original animated film with some added scenes for live action purposes. It was a decent film. It's a bottom of my list because of Emma Watson's singing and the inclusion of Gaston's henchman being gay. It was just unnecessary.
9. "John Wick: Chapter 2"--I am always up for a good old shoot 'em up movie along with kung-fu-like action, and this movie did not disappoint. Keanu Reeves has his niche in this genre.
8. "Dunkirk"--I came into the theater expecting this to be like "Saving Private Ryan"--a war movie with battle scenes galore. It was not. Instead, it was a tale of desperation filmed brilliantly by Director Christopher Nolan. The musical score created tension throughout each scene. Why I have to put it so near the bottom of my list is because the advertisement for this film was a bit misleading. I expected a "Saving Private Ryan"-like film and instead got something else entirely.
7. "Spider-man: Homecoming"--Another Spider-man, another actor to fill his shoes. However, this time this movie was heralded through a joint-cooperation between Sony Films and Marvel Studios, and it also was part of the highly successful Marvel Cinematic Universe. It was Spider-man as he should be, a teenager in high school coming to grips with his new responsibilities as New York's superhero. Tom Holland played the part of Peter Parker/Spider-man to comic book perfection. However, the spotlight belongs to Michael Keaton's sinister portrayal as Adrian Toomes/The Vulture. Keaton's quirks and personality as Spider-man's villain was top notch. Toomes' conversation with the teenage Peter Parker in the car before the Homecoming Dance was just chilling and a good performance by the veteran actor Michael Keaton.
6. "Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2"--James Gunn's second galactic entry into the expanded Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to deliver the hijinks and musical numbers of the galaxy's a--holes, or Guardians. It was another solid film of the MCU, and another fun ride with this band of misfit characters. Though not nearly as good as the first Guardians, Volume 2 still was a solid film. The addition of one of my favorite actors Kurt Russell as the planet-size Ego was a delight. My only complaint was the inclusion of Sylvester Stallone. His role just felt forced.
5. "Thor: Ragnarok"--The third, and perhaps final entry, of the Norse god adventures of Thor finds himself cast out of Asgard by the goddess of death Hela, and stranded on a planet with the Hulk as the gladiator supreme. I really enjoyed this movie. It was funny, Thor was shown as being strong like he should be, and finally the Hulk spoke and was featured as the destructor he really is. It was a feel good movie electrified by the new direction of Director Taika Waititi, and the inclusion of veteran actor Jeff Goldblum. A fun ride and also bold new direction for Chris Hemsworth's Thor.
4. "Wonder Woman"--Finally! A good movie from the WB/DC Extended Universe. I never thought it would happen. Wonder Woman shows what happens when there is a good story, solid acting, and and good direction. I was excited about this movie once I saw the trailer despite my negative feelings towards the rest of the DCEU films. Set in the often forgotten World War I, Wonder Woman delivered on all cylinders that I doubt the DCEU will ever fire on again.
3. "Logan"--Once I saw the trailer set to Johnny Cash's "Hurt", I was hooked. This movie was gritty, bloody, and just disturbing in all the right ways. Showcasing a war weary Wolverine played for the last time by Hugh Jackman (who has played the role since 2000's "X-Men"), "Logan" showcased the finest performances by Jackman and Sir Patrick Stewart as he took his swan song for playing Professor Charles Xavier. It was R-Rated which meant there was no holding back for Wolverine, and it delivered.
2. "The Shack"--This movie surprised me with how good it can be. Based on the Christian bestseller book of the same name, this film delivered the same message that the book delivers: God has not forgotten us, He wants to heal us, and He wants us to forgive those who have hurt us. I cried after watching this movie and prayed to God that night. It's a moving film. Those who have not seen it because they think it is blasphemous first don't know the Bible's meaning of that word, and they leave themselves close-minded and legalistic.
1. "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"--I will need to write a whole blog about why "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" is perhaps the best Star Wars film since "The Empire Strikes Back". I know it has caused controversy among some fans but I can't help but think most of that controversy is because fans nowadays are spoiled crybabies. Bottom line, "The Last Jedi" was beautifully written, the characters were wonderfully acted by their respective actors, and the movie absolutely changed what we knew about Star Wars. I have watched this film twice now in theaters and each time I walked away with goose bumps. I will gladly watch this film again, buy it on BluRay, and I can't wait for Episode IX. I also can't wait to see what Rian Johnson has in store for us with his separate Star Wars trilogy.
5 Garbage Movies
5. "Bladerunner 2049"--What a 3-hour snooze fest. I seriously almost fell asleep while watching it in the theater. I never fall asleep during a movie. The movie was slow, the acting bland, and the plotline lost and confusing. The ending was non-climatic. I could have done without watching this movie.
4. "War for the Planet of the Apes"--This was a disappointing entry into this franchise after the excellent entries of "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes". There really was no war. It just dragged out and I was left unfulfilled by it.
3. "Ghost in the Shell"--Not even seeing Scarlett Johansson nearly nude in this film was worth watching this film. I never watched the original material either, and this movie does not make me want to either.
2. "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Places"--Good night what a long name, and much like this movie, not worth the space to list it. But here it is because I thought maybe it would be good movie. I took my two older kids to see it, and I'm not even sure they liked it. It was basically like they tried to marry Twilight with Star Wars and got crap. It was crap. Pure crap.
1. "Transformers: The Last Knight"--This franchise needs to die. I have been pretty acceptable of the first three Transformers movies, but "Age of Extinction" and this one killed my acceptance. "The Last Knight" tried to tie the origins of the Transformers on earth to the Arthurian legend, and it was horrible. I love the Arthurian legends but this movie wanted me to drive Excalibur through my heart and out my anus. Optimus Prime does not sound cool anymore, and they make him give these long-winded motivational speeches that just sound corny. Seriously, "The Last Knight" needs to be the last Transformers movie for a long, long time.
Movie Quick Hits
1. "Alien: Covenant"--Felt like a recap of "Aliens". Failed.
2. "The Boss Baby"--Cute. Funny.
3. "Kingsman: The Golden Circle"--It was okay but not as fun as the first one.
4. "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword"--It was pretty good but as good as the classic film "Excalibur". I don't think current Hollywood has a feel for Arthurian films anymore.
5. "Despicable Me 3"--It was okay but the over-reliance upon the Minions has grown thin.
Top 5 Anticipated Movies of 2018
5. "The Ant-Man and the Wasp"--Loved "Ant-Man", and I can't wait for this entry into the MCU.
4. "Deadpool 2"--Josh Brolin as Cable and Ryan Reynolds as the wisecracking Merc With A Mouth Deadpool. What more needs to be said?
3. "Black Panther"--Loved seeing the Black Panther in "Captain America: Civil War" and I can't wait to see him pounce in his solo movie. This is a movie all people of any race can enjoy.
2. "The Incredibles 2"--It has been too long since the first one was released, but finally we will see the further adventures of the best superhero family to ever be depicted on the big screen. Seriously, PIXAR struck gold when they made this film. It's a shame it has taken this long to get a sequel but I hope it's worth the wait.
1. "Avengers: Infinity War"--The trailer gave me goosebumps. I have watched it multiple times. I cannot wait to see what Thanos has in store for the Avengers and the entire MCU that has been built since 2008's "Iron Man".
There you have it. Let me know your thoughts, favorite movies, disappointing movies, and anticipated movies. Until next time...
Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2017
10. "Beauty and the Beast"--This live action version of the classic 1992 Disney animated movie was probably not necessary, but it wasn't that bad. In fact, it pretty much featured everything from the original animated film with some added scenes for live action purposes. It was a decent film. It's a bottom of my list because of Emma Watson's singing and the inclusion of Gaston's henchman being gay. It was just unnecessary.
9. "John Wick: Chapter 2"--I am always up for a good old shoot 'em up movie along with kung-fu-like action, and this movie did not disappoint. Keanu Reeves has his niche in this genre.
8. "Dunkirk"--I came into the theater expecting this to be like "Saving Private Ryan"--a war movie with battle scenes galore. It was not. Instead, it was a tale of desperation filmed brilliantly by Director Christopher Nolan. The musical score created tension throughout each scene. Why I have to put it so near the bottom of my list is because the advertisement for this film was a bit misleading. I expected a "Saving Private Ryan"-like film and instead got something else entirely.
7. "Spider-man: Homecoming"--Another Spider-man, another actor to fill his shoes. However, this time this movie was heralded through a joint-cooperation between Sony Films and Marvel Studios, and it also was part of the highly successful Marvel Cinematic Universe. It was Spider-man as he should be, a teenager in high school coming to grips with his new responsibilities as New York's superhero. Tom Holland played the part of Peter Parker/Spider-man to comic book perfection. However, the spotlight belongs to Michael Keaton's sinister portrayal as Adrian Toomes/The Vulture. Keaton's quirks and personality as Spider-man's villain was top notch. Toomes' conversation with the teenage Peter Parker in the car before the Homecoming Dance was just chilling and a good performance by the veteran actor Michael Keaton.
6. "Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2"--James Gunn's second galactic entry into the expanded Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to deliver the hijinks and musical numbers of the galaxy's a--holes, or Guardians. It was another solid film of the MCU, and another fun ride with this band of misfit characters. Though not nearly as good as the first Guardians, Volume 2 still was a solid film. The addition of one of my favorite actors Kurt Russell as the planet-size Ego was a delight. My only complaint was the inclusion of Sylvester Stallone. His role just felt forced.
5. "Thor: Ragnarok"--The third, and perhaps final entry, of the Norse god adventures of Thor finds himself cast out of Asgard by the goddess of death Hela, and stranded on a planet with the Hulk as the gladiator supreme. I really enjoyed this movie. It was funny, Thor was shown as being strong like he should be, and finally the Hulk spoke and was featured as the destructor he really is. It was a feel good movie electrified by the new direction of Director Taika Waititi, and the inclusion of veteran actor Jeff Goldblum. A fun ride and also bold new direction for Chris Hemsworth's Thor.
4. "Wonder Woman"--Finally! A good movie from the WB/DC Extended Universe. I never thought it would happen. Wonder Woman shows what happens when there is a good story, solid acting, and and good direction. I was excited about this movie once I saw the trailer despite my negative feelings towards the rest of the DCEU films. Set in the often forgotten World War I, Wonder Woman delivered on all cylinders that I doubt the DCEU will ever fire on again.
3. "Logan"--Once I saw the trailer set to Johnny Cash's "Hurt", I was hooked. This movie was gritty, bloody, and just disturbing in all the right ways. Showcasing a war weary Wolverine played for the last time by Hugh Jackman (who has played the role since 2000's "X-Men"), "Logan" showcased the finest performances by Jackman and Sir Patrick Stewart as he took his swan song for playing Professor Charles Xavier. It was R-Rated which meant there was no holding back for Wolverine, and it delivered.
2. "The Shack"--This movie surprised me with how good it can be. Based on the Christian bestseller book of the same name, this film delivered the same message that the book delivers: God has not forgotten us, He wants to heal us, and He wants us to forgive those who have hurt us. I cried after watching this movie and prayed to God that night. It's a moving film. Those who have not seen it because they think it is blasphemous first don't know the Bible's meaning of that word, and they leave themselves close-minded and legalistic.
1. "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"--I will need to write a whole blog about why "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" is perhaps the best Star Wars film since "The Empire Strikes Back". I know it has caused controversy among some fans but I can't help but think most of that controversy is because fans nowadays are spoiled crybabies. Bottom line, "The Last Jedi" was beautifully written, the characters were wonderfully acted by their respective actors, and the movie absolutely changed what we knew about Star Wars. I have watched this film twice now in theaters and each time I walked away with goose bumps. I will gladly watch this film again, buy it on BluRay, and I can't wait for Episode IX. I also can't wait to see what Rian Johnson has in store for us with his separate Star Wars trilogy.
5 Garbage Movies
5. "Bladerunner 2049"--What a 3-hour snooze fest. I seriously almost fell asleep while watching it in the theater. I never fall asleep during a movie. The movie was slow, the acting bland, and the plotline lost and confusing. The ending was non-climatic. I could have done without watching this movie.
4. "War for the Planet of the Apes"--This was a disappointing entry into this franchise after the excellent entries of "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes". There really was no war. It just dragged out and I was left unfulfilled by it.
3. "Ghost in the Shell"--Not even seeing Scarlett Johansson nearly nude in this film was worth watching this film. I never watched the original material either, and this movie does not make me want to either.
2. "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Places"--Good night what a long name, and much like this movie, not worth the space to list it. But here it is because I thought maybe it would be good movie. I took my two older kids to see it, and I'm not even sure they liked it. It was basically like they tried to marry Twilight with Star Wars and got crap. It was crap. Pure crap.
1. "Transformers: The Last Knight"--This franchise needs to die. I have been pretty acceptable of the first three Transformers movies, but "Age of Extinction" and this one killed my acceptance. "The Last Knight" tried to tie the origins of the Transformers on earth to the Arthurian legend, and it was horrible. I love the Arthurian legends but this movie wanted me to drive Excalibur through my heart and out my anus. Optimus Prime does not sound cool anymore, and they make him give these long-winded motivational speeches that just sound corny. Seriously, "The Last Knight" needs to be the last Transformers movie for a long, long time.
Movie Quick Hits
1. "Alien: Covenant"--Felt like a recap of "Aliens". Failed.
2. "The Boss Baby"--Cute. Funny.
3. "Kingsman: The Golden Circle"--It was okay but not as fun as the first one.
4. "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword"--It was pretty good but as good as the classic film "Excalibur". I don't think current Hollywood has a feel for Arthurian films anymore.
5. "Despicable Me 3"--It was okay but the over-reliance upon the Minions has grown thin.
Top 5 Anticipated Movies of 2018
5. "The Ant-Man and the Wasp"--Loved "Ant-Man", and I can't wait for this entry into the MCU.
4. "Deadpool 2"--Josh Brolin as Cable and Ryan Reynolds as the wisecracking Merc With A Mouth Deadpool. What more needs to be said?
3. "Black Panther"--Loved seeing the Black Panther in "Captain America: Civil War" and I can't wait to see him pounce in his solo movie. This is a movie all people of any race can enjoy.
2. "The Incredibles 2"--It has been too long since the first one was released, but finally we will see the further adventures of the best superhero family to ever be depicted on the big screen. Seriously, PIXAR struck gold when they made this film. It's a shame it has taken this long to get a sequel but I hope it's worth the wait.
1. "Avengers: Infinity War"--The trailer gave me goosebumps. I have watched it multiple times. I cannot wait to see what Thanos has in store for the Avengers and the entire MCU that has been built since 2008's "Iron Man".
There you have it. Let me know your thoughts, favorite movies, disappointing movies, and anticipated movies. Until next time...
2017 in Review
It has been a long while since I have written in my blog. To those few who read it I do apologize. Life has a way of making us busy. So busy in fact we tend to neglect our hobbies.
I thought with Christmas coming up and right behind it the end of 2017, I would write my final reflections concerning this past year. It's an exercise in ego perhaps but I know some people like these.
2017 found me in a better place than I was in 2016. Gone were the hurts from my marriage separation in May of 2016, and in its place was the realization that not only was I going to be just fine as a single man, not only was I going to be great as a single father, but I was going to be able to love again.
In August of this year, I started dating again. I started with many of trepidations. For one, I am still not legally divorced. I often wonder if I should be dating someone when I am still legally bound to someone else. I wonder if God's grace extends to me in this area? My pastor always tells us to work out our own salvation and so I continue doing that in this area.
My girlfriend is wonderful though. She loves me unconditionally. We have already had so much fun and happy moments together. In the five months we have been together, she has validated me more as a man than my second wife ever did in the five short years we were together. My girlfriend is not perfect but she's close enough to perfect for me (to quote the great country band Alabama). She has her views I don't agree with, and vice versa, but we find ways to discuss it without turning it into an argument.
I still have fears, and I am still defensive, but each day with her I am learning to let my guard down. Perhaps she is too.
Besides a new love interest, I continue to be proud father to three awesome kids. My oldest child and only daughter has continued to impressed me with her intelligence, her discipline, hard work, and goal driven persona. Not to mention her passion for all things nerdy like her father. She continues to excel in her studies and music, and her artwork continues to impress me.
My second child and oldest son excels as well. He is in band playing the saxophone, and he is taking a real interest in it. Typically, my oldest son is very laid back about things so it's hard to gauge what he is taking seriously or not. However, this past year he is maturing more and more, and though not as outgoing as my daughter, he has shown an intelligence of his own in the things he cares about. This past year has seen him take an interest in not only music but also science, particularly marine biology. His jokes continue to grow more funny as well. He has a great sense of humor.
Then there is my youngest son, my 4-year-old mini-Hulk who is full of energy, stubborn as a mule, and too tough for his own good. At his young age, he can already call out the different vehicles by name as we pass them on the highway. He knows the colors of the traffic lights, knows the sun rises in the East and sets in the West (I just taught him that a few weeks ago), and can recite and recognize the alphabet and count to 20. So far, the separation between his mother and I hasn't been too bad for him. I hope and pray he continues to adjust well to it.
I also decided to return to college and finish my bachelor's degree. I am nine classes away from it. After I complete the degree in Spring 2019, I will start pursuing my Master's Degree in Occupational Therapy. It's time to complete what I intended to once I got out of the Army in 2009.
So many changes in my life this past year but what hasn't changed is my love for God. I feel at times I have been distracted this past year but I keep trying to follow Him no matter what happens. I slip and I fall but I keep getting back up.
As 2018 comes around the corner, I plan on paying off my minor debts as I start saving up for my kids' education, and also to start making extra payments on my house. True slavery is not being forced to work. It's being in debt to creditors. I start college again in January and I hope to finalize this divorce so I can move on. The next few years will be busy for me but it will be well worth it in the end.
As I finish this up allow me to offer this bit of advice:
Life is what YOU make of it. It comes down to your choices, not circumstances. Stop blaming your skin color, circumstances, environment, etc. Instead, own up to your own life and make the choices necessary to propel yourself forward. Stop diving backwards into the drowning cesspool of victimization. Keep moving forward.
I thought with Christmas coming up and right behind it the end of 2017, I would write my final reflections concerning this past year. It's an exercise in ego perhaps but I know some people like these.
2017 found me in a better place than I was in 2016. Gone were the hurts from my marriage separation in May of 2016, and in its place was the realization that not only was I going to be just fine as a single man, not only was I going to be great as a single father, but I was going to be able to love again.
In August of this year, I started dating again. I started with many of trepidations. For one, I am still not legally divorced. I often wonder if I should be dating someone when I am still legally bound to someone else. I wonder if God's grace extends to me in this area? My pastor always tells us to work out our own salvation and so I continue doing that in this area.
My girlfriend is wonderful though. She loves me unconditionally. We have already had so much fun and happy moments together. In the five months we have been together, she has validated me more as a man than my second wife ever did in the five short years we were together. My girlfriend is not perfect but she's close enough to perfect for me (to quote the great country band Alabama). She has her views I don't agree with, and vice versa, but we find ways to discuss it without turning it into an argument.
I still have fears, and I am still defensive, but each day with her I am learning to let my guard down. Perhaps she is too.
Besides a new love interest, I continue to be proud father to three awesome kids. My oldest child and only daughter has continued to impressed me with her intelligence, her discipline, hard work, and goal driven persona. Not to mention her passion for all things nerdy like her father. She continues to excel in her studies and music, and her artwork continues to impress me.
My second child and oldest son excels as well. He is in band playing the saxophone, and he is taking a real interest in it. Typically, my oldest son is very laid back about things so it's hard to gauge what he is taking seriously or not. However, this past year he is maturing more and more, and though not as outgoing as my daughter, he has shown an intelligence of his own in the things he cares about. This past year has seen him take an interest in not only music but also science, particularly marine biology. His jokes continue to grow more funny as well. He has a great sense of humor.
Then there is my youngest son, my 4-year-old mini-Hulk who is full of energy, stubborn as a mule, and too tough for his own good. At his young age, he can already call out the different vehicles by name as we pass them on the highway. He knows the colors of the traffic lights, knows the sun rises in the East and sets in the West (I just taught him that a few weeks ago), and can recite and recognize the alphabet and count to 20. So far, the separation between his mother and I hasn't been too bad for him. I hope and pray he continues to adjust well to it.
I also decided to return to college and finish my bachelor's degree. I am nine classes away from it. After I complete the degree in Spring 2019, I will start pursuing my Master's Degree in Occupational Therapy. It's time to complete what I intended to once I got out of the Army in 2009.
So many changes in my life this past year but what hasn't changed is my love for God. I feel at times I have been distracted this past year but I keep trying to follow Him no matter what happens. I slip and I fall but I keep getting back up.
As 2018 comes around the corner, I plan on paying off my minor debts as I start saving up for my kids' education, and also to start making extra payments on my house. True slavery is not being forced to work. It's being in debt to creditors. I start college again in January and I hope to finalize this divorce so I can move on. The next few years will be busy for me but it will be well worth it in the end.
As I finish this up allow me to offer this bit of advice:
Life is what YOU make of it. It comes down to your choices, not circumstances. Stop blaming your skin color, circumstances, environment, etc. Instead, own up to your own life and make the choices necessary to propel yourself forward. Stop diving backwards into the drowning cesspool of victimization. Keep moving forward.
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Do Not Worry
Did you know your problems won’t last forever?
They’re not permanent. When we believe our problems are
permanent we are experiencing tunnel vision. We’re not looking at the big
picture. We are filling ourselves with anxiety about the falseness of being
trapped in a tunnel of worries. When we allow that anxiety to build up, we are
effectively weakening our faith in God.
Jesus instructs us in Matthew, Chapter 6 to not worry
or be anxious about anything. Jesus didn’t give any leeway here. Jesus said do
not worry. At all. Period. Instead, we are to focus on the Kingdom of God and
walk righteously. Then, as Jesus instructs, all our needs will be provided.
Yet we will often choose to follow the path of
anxiety. We do so because our sinful nature wants to reject the promises God
has made to you, and strip your faith by convincing you that through worrying a
solution will present itself. In other words, you will be able to solve it
without God’s help. It doesn’t work like that. In fact, it works the opposite.
Our anxiety increases because we will fail at solving our own problems. Jesus
stated to those gathered during His Sermon on the Mount that worrying does not
extend your life. In other words, worrying/anxiousness solves nothing.
I’m not advocating life is all sunshine and rainbow
unicorns. Life will have its concerns. However, we must exercise our faith in
God to address our concerns and provide for us. Even when it seems hopeless.
Especially when it seems hopeless. That is the true exercise of faith.
As my anxiety increased last night concerning my
finances, I noticed my bank account did not mysteriously increase nor did my
debts unexpectedly decrease. What increased was my stress, and what decreased
was my joy. As I poured my heart out to God and read Jesus’ words in Matthew 6,
I noticed my bank account did not mysteriously increase, nor did my debts
unexpectedly decrease. However, my stress decreased and my joy increased. In my
opinion, that makes me the richest man alive because my faith is worth more
than money in the bank. My joy has more value than pieces of paper with dead
men on it.
I pray you will relieve yourself of stress today. Cast
all your worries upon Jesus. Allow Him to carry them to our Father who loves
you. Exercise your faith by stepping forward knowing God has got you covered.
#AuthenticFaith
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Time of Reflection
Next weekend will be exactly one year since my wife and I separated. As we are in the process of divorce I am not going to write about how much I miss her, or that I'm sad to be single again. Honestly, looking back I have realized I have been set free from the falseness that surrounded our marriage. Our marriage was built on a foundation of false pretenses. There was no God in our marriage. It was all about telling one another whatever we thought the other wanted to hear.
For my wife, she thought it was her job to fix me. She wanted to be my savior, but she also wanted to appeal to what she thought I as a man wanted from her. I remember her telling me she was bisexual because she thought that would appeal to my fantasies of having a threesome. In truth, I was curious about it but I wanted honesty from her. I thought I needed a savior but not her as one. I really needed Jesus as my savior.
So yes, here I am single and in the process of divorce. I'm not lonely, and I'm not desperate for sex. I will not make that mistake again. In the last year since the separation, my relationship with God has grown. I have returned to my faith. Not only returned but have been more sincere and active with it. No longer will I sit on the sidelines of Christianity but instead be a walking memorial to what Jesus has done for us.
As I reflect back, I offer this word of advice for both men and women entering relationships with one another (I only see relationships as between a man and a woman for clarification):
1. Women, do not tell a guy what you think they want to hear about you. Tell them who you really are and be up front with them. If that kind of honesty shuns them then they are not the right guy for you. Also, don't give up the secrets to your body on the first, second, or even third date. Don't give up those secrets until after you have walked down the wedding aisle. It's that important. Either they fall in love with who are or they won't get to fall in love with what lies underneath your clothing.
2. Men, look for qualities in a woman other than what their breast sizes are. I have found myself lately drawn to a woman's smile and above it all their eyes. If I can see the same beauty and happiness in their eyes as what their smile portrays, I become smitten. Also, stay that way. Even after marriage continue to fall in love with their eyes, their smile, and who they are. Don't fall in love with how they look like naked. That's icing on the cake. It's not about the flesh.
3. For both, it's not a competition. There is no wrong or right. There is you and their is your partner, and somehow through the disagreements you both have to find the common ground.
4. Your job is not to fix one another. You both are supposed to grow and mature but not to fix the sins of someone's past. That is God's job. Let Him do what He is supposed to do.
5. Finally, never drag your kids into the middle of your fight with your partner. Kids are not offensive nor defensive weapons. Kids are not the reason you stay with someone. Kids should never be used against one another. Be adults and leave kids out of the argument.
It's time for bed. I am having a great time in North Little Rock, AR. God bless you all.
For my wife, she thought it was her job to fix me. She wanted to be my savior, but she also wanted to appeal to what she thought I as a man wanted from her. I remember her telling me she was bisexual because she thought that would appeal to my fantasies of having a threesome. In truth, I was curious about it but I wanted honesty from her. I thought I needed a savior but not her as one. I really needed Jesus as my savior.
So yes, here I am single and in the process of divorce. I'm not lonely, and I'm not desperate for sex. I will not make that mistake again. In the last year since the separation, my relationship with God has grown. I have returned to my faith. Not only returned but have been more sincere and active with it. No longer will I sit on the sidelines of Christianity but instead be a walking memorial to what Jesus has done for us.
As I reflect back, I offer this word of advice for both men and women entering relationships with one another (I only see relationships as between a man and a woman for clarification):
1. Women, do not tell a guy what you think they want to hear about you. Tell them who you really are and be up front with them. If that kind of honesty shuns them then they are not the right guy for you. Also, don't give up the secrets to your body on the first, second, or even third date. Don't give up those secrets until after you have walked down the wedding aisle. It's that important. Either they fall in love with who are or they won't get to fall in love with what lies underneath your clothing.
2. Men, look for qualities in a woman other than what their breast sizes are. I have found myself lately drawn to a woman's smile and above it all their eyes. If I can see the same beauty and happiness in their eyes as what their smile portrays, I become smitten. Also, stay that way. Even after marriage continue to fall in love with their eyes, their smile, and who they are. Don't fall in love with how they look like naked. That's icing on the cake. It's not about the flesh.
3. For both, it's not a competition. There is no wrong or right. There is you and their is your partner, and somehow through the disagreements you both have to find the common ground.
4. Your job is not to fix one another. You both are supposed to grow and mature but not to fix the sins of someone's past. That is God's job. Let Him do what He is supposed to do.
5. Finally, never drag your kids into the middle of your fight with your partner. Kids are not offensive nor defensive weapons. Kids are not the reason you stay with someone. Kids should never be used against one another. Be adults and leave kids out of the argument.
It's time for bed. I am having a great time in North Little Rock, AR. God bless you all.
Monday, April 3, 2017
"13 Reasons Why" is Good But It's Not the Social Message It's Trying to Be
There is a new series on Netflix right now called "13 Reasons Why". It is a 13-episode Netflix Original series that is based on Jay Asher's debut book of the same name. If you have not watched it then please exit this post for SPOILERS abound!!! There is your spoiler warning.
The show, produced by Selena Gomez (you read that right) is about the students of Liberty High recovering from the suicide of troubled teenager Hannah Baker (played by Katherine Langford). Prior to committing suicide, Hannah records a series of 13 reasons on old-fashioned cassette tapes as to what led her to ending her life. These tapes are shipped to each person listed on the tapes one at a time, and then delivered to the next person via the instructions left by the deceased. Clay Jensen (played by Dylan Minnette) is the next to receive the package of 7 tapes; each reason being recorded on both sides of each tape. The readers in my age range of 35-40 will remember how cassettes had two sides. Each episode is based on the tape Clay is listening to with flashbacks aplenty to the event in narration from Hannah as Clay retraces each and every step she took. Clay is joined by jock stars Justin (Brandon Flynn) and Zach (Ross Butler), aspiring valedictorian and class president Marcus (Steven Silver), popular but secretive, self-ashamed girl Courtney (Michelle Selene Ang), cheerleaders Jessica (Alisha Boe) and Sheri (Ajiona Alexus), school yearbook/stalker photographer Tyler (Devin Druid), snobby, student writer Ryan (Tommy Dorfman) and musician Alex (Miles Heizer) who were each listed on Hannah's tapes as reasons. Along the way, there is Tony (played by Christian Navarro) who serves as the "Jacob Marley" guide in this tale. Meanwhile, Hannah's parents are building up a case to pursue a civil lawsuit against the school for Hannah's death.
Each episode describes how each person on her list in some way led to Hannah's decision to kill herself through direct/indirect bullying, teasing, gossiping, betrayal; basically every thing you have ever felt in high school, or continue to feel if you are young enough to be in high school and reading this was a reason Hannah listed as having been done to her by these people. In the end, the final tape is for High School Counselor Mr. Porter whom Hannah blames for not doing more her final day to reach out to her. However, as the story unfolds he did everything within his ability to help her.
That is where the series ends for me. While the story as a whole is a great and intelligent fictional drama highlighted by its creative style of episodic delivery, the blaming and shaming it does to the other characters who surround Hannah does not deliver the poignant social message it was attempting, but rather sinks the ship it was trying to sail completely. Throughout each episode, various characters tell Clay Jensen that Hannah made the decision to end her life only to face stiff rebuttal from Hannah's justice seeker that each and every one of them failed her and could have done more to save her. Even the High School Counselor tells Clay that his love can't bring back a dead girl, and she did not want saving. The season should have ended on that note, and if it had the story would have delivered the social message it wanted it to. Instead, what we get is another safety zone story about how bullying will always lead to people committing suicide.
When I was in high school between 1994 through 1998, I was a victim of bullying--particularly my Freshman year in which the upper classmen of the high school band spread rumors that I was gay. By the way, looking back on it now the irony of a homosexual rumor being created by the kingdom of geeks known as the high school band is not lost on me. I was also non-athletic with a scrawny frame of 130lbs on a 5'9" body. The list of bullying tactics used on me included pole-racking (it's a wonder I had kids as an adult), knocked out by fists, nearly choked out in art class, called names, threatened, and the list goes on and on. I hated high school for those reasons, but I also found many other reasons to like it such as friends, band, art, and church. I could have cried victim to bullying but instead, as every person before had to do, I chose to rise above it. Now some of those bullies are friends of mine while others have disappeared from my life. In other words, they don't matter.
Why can't we tell our kids this now? That what people do or say to us does not matter in the long run. I remember my step-father brazenly telling me, "Suck that shit up or be a faggot like they say you are." Message was loud and clear: let it affect me or ignore it. I ignored it and made the better decision for it. Now though in the day and age of participation trophies and every snowflake is precious, there is no hardening our youth against the horrors of the world. Instead, we tell them they are victims and it is other people's faults. Please understand I get the seriousness of bullying, and I get the seriousness of suicide. I just don't think blaming the bullies for the decision of individuals is anymore right than the person picking on the other person.
Yes, Hannah was targeted by people who sexualized her through Justin's sharing of a photo showing an "upskirted" image. Yes, Hannah not only witnessed the rape of her once friend Jessica but was also a victim of rape. Yes, Tyler photographed Hannah and Courtney making out in Hannah's room. There was a lot of things done to Hannah but in the end, in her final days, Hannah made the decision to kill herself. The counselor tried to get Hannah to reveal the rapes; tried to help her but Hannah took what Mr. Porter said the wrong way and left his office only to turn around and say aloud to the hidden microphone in her bag that he should have ran after her but didn't. This was not the first time Hannah projects blame. After screaming at Clay to get the "^&*( out", Hannah muses in the tape that she wishes Clay would have stayed there and told her how much he loved her. Clay suffers through this realization as he listens to her tapes, and in an imagined scene by Clay telling Hannah that, she asks, "Why didn't you tell me this before?" My question was why did you push him out, and if you were truly sorry, why didn't you run after him? It works both ways.
Suicide is tragic in so many ways. The tragedy is not just in the person who ended their life because they thought there were no other options, but also in those who were a part of that person. Family members left in the wake of suicide's violent storm wondering and suffering through their own personal hell of did they show that person enough love? Did they do everything they could have to prevent it?
The truth of it is as I have read more and more about people who committed suicide is that no matter what intervention you think could have been given, it was never going to be enough to stop them. If a person has made up their mind to end their life, unless someone is right there to stop it at the moment of prepared execution, then that person is committed. It's a tough pill to swallow, but swallow it we must instead of filing lawsuit after lawsuits against schools and students, or other social systems. One must accept that their loved one was troubled and made the wrong decision.
With all of that said, we do need to be aware of warning signs. Watching this series unfold these last two days makes me believe there were signs Hannah was giving that should have been paid heed towards. The high school counselor perhaps should have handled his session with Hannah a little differently. I was flabbergasted when Mr. Porter assumed Hannah had wanted sex and now was regretting it instead of letting Hannah naturally describe her feelings and the events that created those feelings. There were some failings on Clay's part as Hannah's friend that I thought the show addressed real well. It also showed that we as parents do need to pay more attention to our children even at the sacrifice of our personal successes.
I hope and pray my children will always know they can come to me, and if they don't know then I will make sure they do know. Anytime I have my kids for my visits with them (I'm a divorced dad), I talk to them and let them know I am available for any and every topic. I even talk to my daughter about her periods and sexuality because she needs to know there are no limits to our conversation.
If we as a society want to take any responsibility for our kids' suicide it is that we should never be afraid to talk to our children about anything. Ever.
The show, produced by Selena Gomez (you read that right) is about the students of Liberty High recovering from the suicide of troubled teenager Hannah Baker (played by Katherine Langford). Prior to committing suicide, Hannah records a series of 13 reasons on old-fashioned cassette tapes as to what led her to ending her life. These tapes are shipped to each person listed on the tapes one at a time, and then delivered to the next person via the instructions left by the deceased. Clay Jensen (played by Dylan Minnette) is the next to receive the package of 7 tapes; each reason being recorded on both sides of each tape. The readers in my age range of 35-40 will remember how cassettes had two sides. Each episode is based on the tape Clay is listening to with flashbacks aplenty to the event in narration from Hannah as Clay retraces each and every step she took. Clay is joined by jock stars Justin (Brandon Flynn) and Zach (Ross Butler), aspiring valedictorian and class president Marcus (Steven Silver), popular but secretive, self-ashamed girl Courtney (Michelle Selene Ang), cheerleaders Jessica (Alisha Boe) and Sheri (Ajiona Alexus), school yearbook/stalker photographer Tyler (Devin Druid), snobby, student writer Ryan (Tommy Dorfman) and musician Alex (Miles Heizer) who were each listed on Hannah's tapes as reasons. Along the way, there is Tony (played by Christian Navarro) who serves as the "Jacob Marley" guide in this tale. Meanwhile, Hannah's parents are building up a case to pursue a civil lawsuit against the school for Hannah's death.
Each episode describes how each person on her list in some way led to Hannah's decision to kill herself through direct/indirect bullying, teasing, gossiping, betrayal; basically every thing you have ever felt in high school, or continue to feel if you are young enough to be in high school and reading this was a reason Hannah listed as having been done to her by these people. In the end, the final tape is for High School Counselor Mr. Porter whom Hannah blames for not doing more her final day to reach out to her. However, as the story unfolds he did everything within his ability to help her.
That is where the series ends for me. While the story as a whole is a great and intelligent fictional drama highlighted by its creative style of episodic delivery, the blaming and shaming it does to the other characters who surround Hannah does not deliver the poignant social message it was attempting, but rather sinks the ship it was trying to sail completely. Throughout each episode, various characters tell Clay Jensen that Hannah made the decision to end her life only to face stiff rebuttal from Hannah's justice seeker that each and every one of them failed her and could have done more to save her. Even the High School Counselor tells Clay that his love can't bring back a dead girl, and she did not want saving. The season should have ended on that note, and if it had the story would have delivered the social message it wanted it to. Instead, what we get is another safety zone story about how bullying will always lead to people committing suicide.
When I was in high school between 1994 through 1998, I was a victim of bullying--particularly my Freshman year in which the upper classmen of the high school band spread rumors that I was gay. By the way, looking back on it now the irony of a homosexual rumor being created by the kingdom of geeks known as the high school band is not lost on me. I was also non-athletic with a scrawny frame of 130lbs on a 5'9" body. The list of bullying tactics used on me included pole-racking (it's a wonder I had kids as an adult), knocked out by fists, nearly choked out in art class, called names, threatened, and the list goes on and on. I hated high school for those reasons, but I also found many other reasons to like it such as friends, band, art, and church. I could have cried victim to bullying but instead, as every person before had to do, I chose to rise above it. Now some of those bullies are friends of mine while others have disappeared from my life. In other words, they don't matter.
Why can't we tell our kids this now? That what people do or say to us does not matter in the long run. I remember my step-father brazenly telling me, "Suck that shit up or be a faggot like they say you are." Message was loud and clear: let it affect me or ignore it. I ignored it and made the better decision for it. Now though in the day and age of participation trophies and every snowflake is precious, there is no hardening our youth against the horrors of the world. Instead, we tell them they are victims and it is other people's faults. Please understand I get the seriousness of bullying, and I get the seriousness of suicide. I just don't think blaming the bullies for the decision of individuals is anymore right than the person picking on the other person.
Yes, Hannah was targeted by people who sexualized her through Justin's sharing of a photo showing an "upskirted" image. Yes, Hannah not only witnessed the rape of her once friend Jessica but was also a victim of rape. Yes, Tyler photographed Hannah and Courtney making out in Hannah's room. There was a lot of things done to Hannah but in the end, in her final days, Hannah made the decision to kill herself. The counselor tried to get Hannah to reveal the rapes; tried to help her but Hannah took what Mr. Porter said the wrong way and left his office only to turn around and say aloud to the hidden microphone in her bag that he should have ran after her but didn't. This was not the first time Hannah projects blame. After screaming at Clay to get the "^&*( out", Hannah muses in the tape that she wishes Clay would have stayed there and told her how much he loved her. Clay suffers through this realization as he listens to her tapes, and in an imagined scene by Clay telling Hannah that, she asks, "Why didn't you tell me this before?" My question was why did you push him out, and if you were truly sorry, why didn't you run after him? It works both ways.
Suicide is tragic in so many ways. The tragedy is not just in the person who ended their life because they thought there were no other options, but also in those who were a part of that person. Family members left in the wake of suicide's violent storm wondering and suffering through their own personal hell of did they show that person enough love? Did they do everything they could have to prevent it?
The truth of it is as I have read more and more about people who committed suicide is that no matter what intervention you think could have been given, it was never going to be enough to stop them. If a person has made up their mind to end their life, unless someone is right there to stop it at the moment of prepared execution, then that person is committed. It's a tough pill to swallow, but swallow it we must instead of filing lawsuit after lawsuits against schools and students, or other social systems. One must accept that their loved one was troubled and made the wrong decision.
With all of that said, we do need to be aware of warning signs. Watching this series unfold these last two days makes me believe there were signs Hannah was giving that should have been paid heed towards. The high school counselor perhaps should have handled his session with Hannah a little differently. I was flabbergasted when Mr. Porter assumed Hannah had wanted sex and now was regretting it instead of letting Hannah naturally describe her feelings and the events that created those feelings. There were some failings on Clay's part as Hannah's friend that I thought the show addressed real well. It also showed that we as parents do need to pay more attention to our children even at the sacrifice of our personal successes.
I hope and pray my children will always know they can come to me, and if they don't know then I will make sure they do know. Anytime I have my kids for my visits with them (I'm a divorced dad), I talk to them and let them know I am available for any and every topic. I even talk to my daughter about her periods and sexuality because she needs to know there are no limits to our conversation.
If we as a society want to take any responsibility for our kids' suicide it is that we should never be afraid to talk to our children about anything. Ever.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Review of "The Shack"
Normally I don’t go to theaters to watch movies that
have feel-good messages that will bring me to tears. I want action, eye-candy of special effects,
and all that jazz. I joke about Star
Wars bringing me to tears of enjoyment but those are fake. Rarely does a movie move my soul. Then I saw “The Shack”, and while during the
movie I stifled back tears, once I got to my car the dams opened as the river
of tears cascaded down my face.
“The Shack” is a powerful movie. It will probably not receive any awards from
the secular Academy Awards but it will reward those who see it with a powerful
message of forgiveness, healing, and love.
It’s a powerful message that is forgotten in today’s tolerance-driven
free-for-all drivel we are being forced to swallow.
The so-called controversy being pronounced by
theologians and detractors surrounding “The Shack” because it has God as a
woman misses the meaning of the ultimate message behind the movie. God appeared to the character named “Mack” as
a woman whom he remembered from childhood.
In other words, God appeared as someone familiar to Mack. I wholeheartedly believe spoke to me through
Sister Judy Scroggs that morning so long ago when I was sixteen eating at her
breakfast table. God appeared as a
burning bush to Moses. God will do what
He must do to reach us. God even told
Mack in the movie that, “With what you’re dealing with I didn’t think you
needed a father right now.” Mack has
father issues, and perhaps if God had appeared to him as a father, Mack would
have rejected Him. Something to think
about before you rip the book/movie to shreds because it doesn’t line up with
your old man God theory.
With that theological discourse aside, I highly
recommend this movie. I need to read the
book it is based on. I wept in my car
praying to God to forgive me for the hurt I had been carrying, and I started
praying forgiveness towards those who had done me wrong. I highly recommend this movie to any
Christian who is struggling with betrayal.
If you’re not a Christian, then I highly recommend this movie to truly
understand the nature of God versus the accusatory myths you have about Him.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Trail Blazer
God has your life trail already blazed—cleared. Did you know that?
I was reminded of His path as I was hiking in Robbers
Cave State Park (RCSP) in Oklahoma. God
tells us in Jeremiah 9:11 that He knows the plans—the path He has for us. The path won’t lead to destruction but rather
to prosperity in the Lord. Yet so often
we stray off God’s path.
Why is that?
Are we in a hurry and can’t wait on God to lead us? Do we think we are God and can do it all
ourselves? I bet we might think we can
blaze our own trail.
I went down a path at the park I thought was a
trail. It was clear, looked like it had
been walked on, and so I hiked down it for nearly 0.5 miles (I was tracking my
distance on my Fitbit device) before realizing it was not a trail. It had led me along some uneven and rocky
terrain, and the result was me walking straight to the end where a large
coniferous tree blocked my way forward, there was a steep downward slope to the
lake on my left, and a large upward slope to the rocky cliffs on my right. My only course of action was to turn around,
climb up the rocky cliffs on my right, and reorient. Once I came out of the rubble and looked
around, I noticed a marker some 200 meters (thank God for Army land navigation
teaching me meters instead of feet) to my left indicating the start of a proved
and tried trail. Blue/red/yellow markers
led the way throughout the numerous trails within Robbers Cave State Park.
Proverbs 14:12 tells us that there is a way—a path—that
appears right, but in the end, leads to death.
I took a chance climbing up and down those bluffs being unscathed by the
detour, but I could have just as easily been hurt. In our spiritual walk; however, there is no
luck. We stray off the path God has
trail blazed for us, we head to our own destruction.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter by the
narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to
destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is
the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it (NKJV).” The first path I took was broad, and it
seemed like the way to go. However, it
wasn’t marked and therefore was not the correct path for me to take.
God has marked the path for us. He sent Jesus to blaze our trail. Jesus tells His disciples in John 14:6 that
He [Jesus] is the way. Jesus is the
marker that tells us we are on the right path.
We must follow Him on our journey of life just as surely as we must
follow the trail markers if we are to find our way to what God has for us.
However, just because we are following Jesus does not
mean the trail will be smooth. While
hiking on even the marked trails at RCSP, I came across uneven terrain, loose
rocky steps, narrow twists and turns, and sloped surfaces both up and
down. I sweated as my body labored
hiking these trails while carrying the burden of my rucksack on my back. The difference between this trail versus the
one I attempted was at least I knew where I was going this time, and it made
the trail less dangerous for me than the one I made up. So then is our Christian walk the same. Our lives will still be difficult—trying at
times; however, if we are following God and seeking Jesus daily, the burden is
decreased.
There were also times the painted markers were hard to
see. The sun was in my eyes, some of the
paint had faded, or other natural objects obscured the markers from being
viewed directly. A few times I still
went off the marked trail because I thought I was following the right path only
to no longer see the guides. I had to
circle back around to find the point I had walked off the actual trail. Sometimes even as we are trying to keep our
eyes on Jesus, the world can trick us.
We think we are doing what God wants us to do, but we come to find out
we had strayed from our walk with Him.
We must turn around and get back on the right trail.
What I learned that day from hiking along those trails
was to slow down, make sure I was on the right path, and trust in the markers
to lead me. Who are you trusting today? Is it Jesus?
If not, then you are lost and need to come back. God has blazed a trail for us, Jesus is our
guide, and we need to follow Him in this journey we call life.
By the way, if I had taken the time at the start of my
hike to look around, there was a trail marker to the left of me which would
have led me down those rocky cliffs, alongside that lake, around it, and to the
area I was wanting to find in the first place.
See what happens when we are in too much of a hurry and try to do things
our way?
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Be Strong and Courageous-My Story
I struggled to write this because I wasn't sure of first what all I should share, or how much of it to share. I could tell you all of how I grew up around alcoholics and drug users. I could share about my two failed marriages. There are so many mistakes I have made in my life that I could share, and if I was only telling my story I would do that. However, this is a story of how God delivered me and that is the story I want to share.
For a long time, ever since I was a child, I have felt afraid and inadequate. My fear was born from seeing the transformation of my mother caused by alcohol. She was beautiful, intelligent, and kind when sober; however, when drunk she was ugly, mean, cruel, and angry. I became afraid of her after I witnessed her beating my older sister Crystal one night in a drunken rage. I ran into my bedroom and hid under my blankets. Ever since that night, I have nightmares I'm hiding in that bed in fear my mother would bust through my door to hurt me. As a child, I would wake up screaming. As an adult, I still have these dreams-in fact, I had the dream just a few weeks ago-but I am able to wake myself up before my mother grabs me.
I felt inadequate because my mother was very overprotective of me, and any sport I tried she didn't approve because she told me I would get hurt. My older sister would tell me I was too weak to play. There was no father figure in my life. My mother had left him when I was two or three. I never got to meet him, and up until late 2012, I never knew what he looked like. My mother cut his image out of any pictures she had, and I wasn't allowed to ask about him. If I persisted, my mother would tell me he was abusive to her, he was a monster, and I had best hope I didn't wind up like him. Whenever I would lose my temper, my mother and sister would tell me I was acting just like him.
I know God desires us from our beginning, but I truly believe He started pursuing me when I was fifteen or sixteen. I say this because God led me to the Scroggs family who were instrumental in helping me to change the direction of my life. God can work through anyone and/or any situation, and it can start with something as simple as John offering a teenager a ride to their early morning high school marching band rehearsals. God can work through the words spoken one morning by Sister Judy to a teenager who was unsure about going to church. One morning as I waited for John to get ready (which often took a long time), Sister Judy must have known how uneasy I felt about the church they pastored. That early morning as I was eating breakfast, she looked at me and said, "Josh, I want to invite you to church, and I would love for you to come. However, I can't force you, and I want you to know that no matter what you decide you'll always be welcomed into our home, I'll always feed you, and John will still give you a ride to school."
Looking back now I can see Jesus was speaking through her. That was unconditional love. It was a type of love I had not been shown before. So I started going to church soon after, but I never truly surrendered to God. I thought just being in church and being around the Scroggs family was enough, and as long as I surrounded myself with people like them I could fake the funk-so to speak. Without true surrender to God, all that fear and inadequacy remained until I started attending church here and fully surrendered. However, I believe God had laid a foundation for me when I was 16, and looking back as I was writing this testimony, I believe the words Sister Judy that morning spoke to me was God's message. He wouldn't force me to come to Him. I would need to make that choice myself, but when I did make that choice God would be there.
I continued to fake my salvation, or let's say I was religious but not spiritual-there's a difference. When I met my first wife and found out her family were Christians, I thought I had found my new "Scroggs" family to be with. However, some day our falseness will be found out, and though we can fool some people, we can't fool God. My first marriage ended because I had an affair while stationed in the Army away from everyone I relied on for my "walk with Christ". In truth, I never was on that walk.
Being the stubborn person I can be at times, I blamed God for my marriage with Kelly ending, and if He had not been with me then, I wouldn't definitely be with Him now. I still claimed I was a Christian when asked, especially when Facebook became a "thing", but I really wasn't. I was more interested in satisfying my own desires.
My passions are what got me with Jennifer, my soon-to-be-second-ex-wife. Our relationship was born on a bed of passion and a false hope of validation. Jennifer promised me she would take care of me and I could trust her with anything. So I told her about the abuse I had endured as a child. I trusted her with things I never even told my first wife nor many of my friends. I thought I could trust Jennifer and feel safe and adequate. Instead, for the last four years I felt anything but what I needed. There were times Jennifer would call me by my mom's name saying I was just like her as my mother and sister would do to me in relation to my father. All the confidence I had gained from the Army and being on my own was stripped bare. When we separated, it was because I refused to back down from a decision I had made concerning my daughter.
So when I started attending church here, it was because I knew Ben, and I felt like I needed to get back to where I had first felt God but this time not ignore Him. I wanted to be challenged to accept the real God and not the God based on other's salvation. In other words, I knew I needed to choose God. So that morning when I stepped forward at Ben's encouragement, it was God pushing me forward. He had never stopped pursuing me though I had ignored Him for over twenty years.
Complete acceptance of Jesus as my Savior does not mean all that fear and feelings of inadequacy were gone. The walk with God is a continual process. Each day we have to seek God and ask Him to search us and clean us. We have to let go of the past mistakes and our sins of the past. We have to stop being afraid of what others think, and we must realize that God never finds us inadequate.
I want to end this story with a story from the Bible. So if you'll indulge me, I'd like to share an "Extended Edition" of the Book of Joshua. Whenever I start feeling inadequate or fearful, I read the first nine verses of the first chapter of Joshua. As I'm reading it, I like to imagine there must have been some doubt in Joshua's mind. I mean think about it-Joshua was replacing Moses. Moses, who talked to God as His Spirit burned like fire around a bush. Moses, who God used to cause trouble for Pharaoh and led the Israelites out of Egypt. I wonder if Joshua was thinking, "Who am I to replace Moses?" Not only that, but I wonder if Joshua worried about what all they had been through during those forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Was he fretting about the mistakes they had made?
I ask myself this because three times God reassured Joshua of his standing with God, and encouraged Joshua to not be afraid. Verse 5, God tells Joshua, "No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave nor forsake you." Verse 6, "Be strong and of good courage." God repeats this in verse 7 saying, "Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you." Finally, in verse 9 God once again states, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
I have made many mistakes in my life, and I have played the "religious Christian", and yes I have been hurt by others. However, God says that is all in the past-Egypt is behind me-and all I need to do is follow God; move forward towards that which God has prepared for me. Be strong, be courageous; because God is just as much with us as He has been with all those great people in the Bible. All it takes is a choice to not be afraid, to accept God's adequate view of you, and as my main man Joshua said in Chapter 24, Verse 15, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
For a long time, ever since I was a child, I have felt afraid and inadequate. My fear was born from seeing the transformation of my mother caused by alcohol. She was beautiful, intelligent, and kind when sober; however, when drunk she was ugly, mean, cruel, and angry. I became afraid of her after I witnessed her beating my older sister Crystal one night in a drunken rage. I ran into my bedroom and hid under my blankets. Ever since that night, I have nightmares I'm hiding in that bed in fear my mother would bust through my door to hurt me. As a child, I would wake up screaming. As an adult, I still have these dreams-in fact, I had the dream just a few weeks ago-but I am able to wake myself up before my mother grabs me.
I felt inadequate because my mother was very overprotective of me, and any sport I tried she didn't approve because she told me I would get hurt. My older sister would tell me I was too weak to play. There was no father figure in my life. My mother had left him when I was two or three. I never got to meet him, and up until late 2012, I never knew what he looked like. My mother cut his image out of any pictures she had, and I wasn't allowed to ask about him. If I persisted, my mother would tell me he was abusive to her, he was a monster, and I had best hope I didn't wind up like him. Whenever I would lose my temper, my mother and sister would tell me I was acting just like him.
I know God desires us from our beginning, but I truly believe He started pursuing me when I was fifteen or sixteen. I say this because God led me to the Scroggs family who were instrumental in helping me to change the direction of my life. God can work through anyone and/or any situation, and it can start with something as simple as John offering a teenager a ride to their early morning high school marching band rehearsals. God can work through the words spoken one morning by Sister Judy to a teenager who was unsure about going to church. One morning as I waited for John to get ready (which often took a long time), Sister Judy must have known how uneasy I felt about the church they pastored. That early morning as I was eating breakfast, she looked at me and said, "Josh, I want to invite you to church, and I would love for you to come. However, I can't force you, and I want you to know that no matter what you decide you'll always be welcomed into our home, I'll always feed you, and John will still give you a ride to school."
Looking back now I can see Jesus was speaking through her. That was unconditional love. It was a type of love I had not been shown before. So I started going to church soon after, but I never truly surrendered to God. I thought just being in church and being around the Scroggs family was enough, and as long as I surrounded myself with people like them I could fake the funk-so to speak. Without true surrender to God, all that fear and inadequacy remained until I started attending church here and fully surrendered. However, I believe God had laid a foundation for me when I was 16, and looking back as I was writing this testimony, I believe the words Sister Judy that morning spoke to me was God's message. He wouldn't force me to come to Him. I would need to make that choice myself, but when I did make that choice God would be there.
I continued to fake my salvation, or let's say I was religious but not spiritual-there's a difference. When I met my first wife and found out her family were Christians, I thought I had found my new "Scroggs" family to be with. However, some day our falseness will be found out, and though we can fool some people, we can't fool God. My first marriage ended because I had an affair while stationed in the Army away from everyone I relied on for my "walk with Christ". In truth, I never was on that walk.
Being the stubborn person I can be at times, I blamed God for my marriage with Kelly ending, and if He had not been with me then, I wouldn't definitely be with Him now. I still claimed I was a Christian when asked, especially when Facebook became a "thing", but I really wasn't. I was more interested in satisfying my own desires.
My passions are what got me with Jennifer, my soon-to-be-second-ex-wife. Our relationship was born on a bed of passion and a false hope of validation. Jennifer promised me she would take care of me and I could trust her with anything. So I told her about the abuse I had endured as a child. I trusted her with things I never even told my first wife nor many of my friends. I thought I could trust Jennifer and feel safe and adequate. Instead, for the last four years I felt anything but what I needed. There were times Jennifer would call me by my mom's name saying I was just like her as my mother and sister would do to me in relation to my father. All the confidence I had gained from the Army and being on my own was stripped bare. When we separated, it was because I refused to back down from a decision I had made concerning my daughter.
So when I started attending church here, it was because I knew Ben, and I felt like I needed to get back to where I had first felt God but this time not ignore Him. I wanted to be challenged to accept the real God and not the God based on other's salvation. In other words, I knew I needed to choose God. So that morning when I stepped forward at Ben's encouragement, it was God pushing me forward. He had never stopped pursuing me though I had ignored Him for over twenty years.
Complete acceptance of Jesus as my Savior does not mean all that fear and feelings of inadequacy were gone. The walk with God is a continual process. Each day we have to seek God and ask Him to search us and clean us. We have to let go of the past mistakes and our sins of the past. We have to stop being afraid of what others think, and we must realize that God never finds us inadequate.
I want to end this story with a story from the Bible. So if you'll indulge me, I'd like to share an "Extended Edition" of the Book of Joshua. Whenever I start feeling inadequate or fearful, I read the first nine verses of the first chapter of Joshua. As I'm reading it, I like to imagine there must have been some doubt in Joshua's mind. I mean think about it-Joshua was replacing Moses. Moses, who talked to God as His Spirit burned like fire around a bush. Moses, who God used to cause trouble for Pharaoh and led the Israelites out of Egypt. I wonder if Joshua was thinking, "Who am I to replace Moses?" Not only that, but I wonder if Joshua worried about what all they had been through during those forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Was he fretting about the mistakes they had made?
I ask myself this because three times God reassured Joshua of his standing with God, and encouraged Joshua to not be afraid. Verse 5, God tells Joshua, "No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave nor forsake you." Verse 6, "Be strong and of good courage." God repeats this in verse 7 saying, "Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you." Finally, in verse 9 God once again states, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
I have made many mistakes in my life, and I have played the "religious Christian", and yes I have been hurt by others. However, God says that is all in the past-Egypt is behind me-and all I need to do is follow God; move forward towards that which God has prepared for me. Be strong, be courageous; because God is just as much with us as He has been with all those great people in the Bible. All it takes is a choice to not be afraid, to accept God's adequate view of you, and as my main man Joshua said in Chapter 24, Verse 15, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."
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